Solving the World and Other Things

The Incredible Bunny.

2009-01-08T23:47:00.002-05:00

A Beautiful Dusk

2008-12-05T18:30:00.001-05:00

Oh, what a dusk, such a beautiful dusk, in the beginnings of December.
With the cold kissing roughly, enough to sting, ‘tis such an easy thing to remember.
The crimson fingers of the setting sun spear through the meadows of twilight
With colors of navy and teal and sky, the meadow with the sun will take flight.
The world halts and begins to settle into a long and relaxing slumber
The diamond studded skies of the winter night dazzle the green-edged timber
Not a crow makes a caw, not a sparrow sings high, not a single insect may lurch
The chill-eaten air is as dead as the stomach of a Monday-morning Church
A seducing aroma that none may match lingers and plays at the nose
It is a mixture of burnt hickory, frost, and cold ground, ah, ‘tis as sweet as a rose.
The brooks, insomniacs, for they do not sleep, speak so soft it is but a whisper
The water it makes is indeed very cold, but it couldn’t at all be much crisper
The dusk begins to fade, to darker blues and grays, and ‘tis time for dusk to rest
Its done its part, it has astonished the world, to its great and very best
Oh, what a dusk, such a beautiful dusk, in the beginnings of December
With the cold, kissing roughly, enough to sting, ‘tis such an easy thing to remember

A Beautiful Dusk

2008-12-05T18:30:00.000-05:00

RaNdOm

2008-03-01T22:49:00.002-05:00

So when I was little, I used to sit in the corner on a stool and eat chip dip plain pretending it was porridge and I was the three little bears.
Why is it called Bacon if it's fried?
If its a baked potato, wouldn't it get the munchies and eat itself to death?
If I lost weight as fast as I've lost my mind, I'd be a supermodel.
Why is it called Make-Up if your face is real?
Do aliens have to pay UFO insurance?
Better yet, do they have to have a Medical Degree to probe people?
You can make chip dip with Sour Cream, Celery Salt, and Parsley flakes mixed together.
It tastes good. Dolly Parton singing Puff the Magic Dragon... interesting mix. I still love you Peter Paul and Mary.
My friend burned me five cds the other day,... TRY COME AND FIND ME, COPYRIGHT PATROL!!!
Barry Manilow definately sounds like a type of melon,..maybe a derivation of cantaloupe.
How does B&N fit all that bread in those little cans?
And finally, in order for it to really be a Treadmill, wouldn't it have to be underwater?

The Accident.

2008-02-25T20:01:00.001-05:00

So Friday was a day that many Automobile Operators dread.

I wanted to cash my paycheck despite the horrible snowy weather conditions that were occurring at that time. I was coming across a covered bridge near where I work. I was coming across the bridge and decided that the conditions were a little more slick than I had thought, so I pressed on the breaks to slow down a bit. Then, I felt a bang and I jerked backwords and my neck went in an odd position. I knew that someone had rear ended me.

I pulled up to a more appropriate spot and got out to assess the damage, still aware that my neck was hurting me still. The back of my car was demolished. I wasn't angry at anyone, but I was really upset about the car. The man who hit me asked me if I was ok, and we swapped info. A little while after, the police came along with the ambulance, and I was brought to the hospital for my neck. Come to find out, I had only strained it, but they gave me Vicodin and something called Soma to get rid of the pain.

So basically, I was stoned all weekend while I camped out on my Grandmother's couch. Nice. Today, I haven't had to take much of my meds, but I'm still a bit sore and I'm back home. As for my car, it's getting repaired, but it may take anywhere from 3-12 days, depending. I'm driving my dads car and he's driving a rental, because apparently nineteen is not a trustworthy age and people don't rent cars to people that young. So I'm emotionally drained, tired, and sick for my car. Just when I thought things couldn' t get worse. "sigh"

Rats and People

2008-02-13T10:49:00.002-05:00

About a week ago, I got a rat from an Aunt who breeds them. I fell in love with this one brownish white doe. The whole way home, I thought and thought over what to name her. After all, I didn't want a common "oreo" or "cocoa" type name. Then I decided to name her after my favorite author/poet, Edgar Allen Poe. So now, I address her as Poe. She was extremely shy at first, but it's amazing how smart these creatures really are. I did a lot of research, and I saw that they can be trained, they love human-attention, they rarely ever bite, and they in no way carry disease. They are everything that everyone thinks they aren't, especially cute. Granted, Poe is just a baby, but I'm sure she'll take her cuteness to adulthood. Now she rides around on my shoulder, plays with me, and licks me. They really are fascinating creatures.

I am also trying to work with a student I was recently put one-on-one with. She is very difficult to deal with sometimes, yet we've connected as well. I need to find a way to make her bad days fewer and her good days more plentiful and enjoyable. I'm used to working with a bunch of students, now I'm down to one primary one. It's been challenging so far. I hope it will be smooth sailings in the future.

2008-01-26T09:29:00.002-05:00

Drivers, Oh My!

2008-01-19T19:18:00.000-05:00

So I've come to notice how bad some peoples driving is. Well, I hadn't just noticed,.. I just decided to bring it up at this moment in time. You got people driving way under the speed limit, people talegating, people who pull out in front of you, people who do not dim their lights, you name it, it's been done to me within the last week.

I'm curious as to whether or not people actually listen in Drivers Ed. It's fricken ridiculous how frusterated or frusterating people seem to be on the road, me included... at least on the frusterated end of the stick. It's so stupid how you are almost required to get angry while behind the wheel solely because of other people.

So let me remind all of those who drive out there that you are NOT the only people on the road and you need to be more conscious about who's around you and think about what you can do to make the situation better. Of course, I'm not excluding being the victim. Those of you who feel that you are victims of road rage and other people's terrible driving, feel free to express yourself, but try to do it in a non-violent manner, but sometimes it is understood that comments are hard to suppress. I'm a victim of verbal diarrhea myself. Please, everyone, can we try to make the road a better place?

Loads of Silliness

2008-01-13T22:39:00.000-05:00

So everything's normal in the life of the Brittercritter... I am once again making humorous and somewhat crass artwork (I'm not sure how funny they really are, I just get on these hyper spurts).

My brother found a potato chip while snacking that looks exactly like Pac-Man, so now he is going to try and sell it on EBay and see where it takes him. I'll have to ask him when he gets back from College, we had to drop him back off today. I had to pluck yet another grey hair I found (rather one of my friends found) near the back of my neck, and I'm only nineteen!!@#@%%$%&%^$@$% The funny thing is that my hair was just dyed not too long ago, but I guess we missed that one, and no one noticed it before.

My sister's home for good now! YAY! No more jerky boyfriend for her (if I'm not on for a while, it's because I've been thrown in jail for attempted murder!!!) Haha. Anyways, so I'm glad she's living at home now where she is somewhat safe.

So yeah, another "normal" day for me. I guess I bring all this up because I find it humourous what all our perceptions are about what is normal. Every individual has their own little funny twist to life, and every family has it's little quarks. All of us think we have it the worst or the most bizarre, but as a wise person told me one time; whatever you have in life, there is always someone who has more, whether it be a worse situation, or a better one, or someone is always fatter, or thinner, or shorter or taller. No one can assume they have the short end of the stick, because they never really do. Things that I do may be totally outlandish to someone else, but they are always normal to me, and where I may do something a certain way, there will always be someone who does that same thing ten times more or better or worse.

Me, my mom, and I

2008-01-12T08:08:00.000-05:00

So I am finally getting a house of my own... well, sort of.

My mother, who has been in prison now for nine years, (well, I guess that's counting the time spent in the hospital from a brain hemmhorrage that has left her paralyzed on her left side and mentally retarded, and coming close to dying a couple times), has gotten most of her sentancing suspended, which means she won't have to serve the additional fifteen years for manslaughter. She still does have to serve the rest of her sentence for child neglect, which she's only got three years; this year's included in that sentance.

When she gets out, she needs a legal guardian to watch over her and take care of her, sort of like taking care of child one would say. Since I had tons of experience taking care of challanged individuals (hell, it's what I go to work to do), then I agreed to take care of her. That means basically being her parent, ironically enough. So my grampa is having a house built for the two of us to live in, and then I can move out of my dad's house. I'm not sure how long it will take to get the house, but if it gets built before my mom gets out of prison, then I have a whole house all to my self!

Winter in the Cemetery

2008-01-02T21:17:00.000-05:00

by Brittany Noelle Adams

Set in rows, in many a number, under the ground a good many slumber
The slate and marble tend to quake underneath the snowy flakes
As I walk, I hear a crunch; my shoes are atop a freezing bunch
And the resting beings who lay below cease to thaw in their neat little rows

The angel perched on the marble tomb is wrapped within a sparkling white womb
I stop and feel the wind caress the many folds that consume my dress
And as I listen to the silence, the biting air resorts to violence
My fingers red, my fingers raw, out here they may never thaw

The willows cast a frightful shadow, the branches sulk like a tear-streaked widow
Beds are very neatly set for those the living cease to forget
The mourning doves survive the frost and sing a haunting tune of lust
And the paths that encircle the many graves could not from anyone be saved

A whippoorwill preaches to the wood, hoping he’ll be understood
Pine trees blend into a sea of green with a white topping that does not remain unseen
The cemetery hides to keep it’s mystery, it holds on to feelings of sadness and misery
Yet it holds a beauty that goes unexplained, a beauty quite intriguing and not at all plain

Now upon the world does darkness pry and laugh as the daylight begins to die
The blustery wind howls and whips at my face, as winter then puts me back into my place
I decide to now exit the peaceful abyss, after all superstition with me is not a miss
I’ll come back to the cemetery maybe in spring, so I can hear the Blue Birds as they sing

Ah, the New Year!

2008-01-01T18:40:00.000-05:00

So today marks the first day of the year two-thousand and eight. I have grown no taller, no nicer, more bitter, and possibly a little bit wiser. I am also having art withdrawal, seeing as though my mouse is broken and I can't draw on the computer with out it. And tomorrow, I have to go back to work.

Because it is a new year, it is also a great time to reflect. One should ask themselves, "What have I accomplished this year?". For me, I've accomplished making friends, making enemies, and experiencing a few different jobs which I have had the pleasure of liking and disliking. What about you?

As the year progresses, we can all think of different ways of solving the world, as I will continue to do. If anyone is interested in giving topic ideas in which you would like me to discuss, you can send me an e-mail: rowdyredneck16@hotmail.com

Pet Store Headaches!

2007-12-27T09:55:00.000-05:00

Let me start off by saying this: I have many pets (1 hamster, 1 rabbit, 2 Anole lizards, and seven fish). With at least the types of pets I have, one would assume that I could go to a pet store and get the appropriate items to nourish, care for, and provide a comfortable living establishment for my animals. Unfortunately, the local PetCo doesn't feel the same way.

Frank and Jose, my two lizards, eat crickets. They like they're crickets alive. And I usually buy the crickets in bulk because theres two of them and they eat them up mighty fast. So in order to keep feeding them, I need to buy more crickets. Am I making sense so far?

Well, I hadn't bought crickets for nearly a week in a half because PetCo says they're out of them. I can understand it happening once in a while, but not when you go in almost every day of the frikken week! Besides, I don't always have time to go into town if I have to do other things. Contrary to what people may believe, I am a very busy person. So I finally got frusterated and went to the other small petstore in town (I usually don't have time to go because they close at five, and by the time I get into Keene its later, so I mistakenly go to PetCo)
Of course, they didn't get their shipment of crickets either. So their is nothing in the whole city of Keene, New Hampshire that can sustain a pair of lizards, which, may I state, I bought at PetCo.

So my question to you is this...How are these petstores selling animals and never having food for them when you go back to buy some? Further more, how are they feeding their animals? Or are they not feeding them and letting them starve? This little perdicament makes me think out of the box unto bigger and worse problems. I mean, come on people! If you sell the animals, have the food that goes with them in stock every once in a while. And if it's true that these pet stores aren't feeding their animals approprately, then they shouldn't be shopped at period. Lets come togethor and look into this as a people and see if PetCo is really where the pets go,..willingly.

Happy Post-Fetus Day for Me!!! and other things

2007-12-16T20:56:00.000-05:00

So nineteen years ago today, I was brought into the world. I built no opinions, intellectual skills, or even a pyramid of cruddy diapers. I was just me, a new-born. Now, Dec. 16th, 2007, at nineteen I have done all of those things.

Now for the nitty gritty. My rant for the day is about vehicles with 4-wheel drive and crappy weather such as is today. In Southern New Hampshire, as I speak there is freezing rain, at least a foot of snow already having been fallen, and unsafe slippery roads. I'm a proud Toyota driver, and though I like to think it can do anything, it doesn't have four wheel drive and is a light car so it slips easily. Therefore, to ensure safety to myself and others on the road, I tend to drive a bit slower in unsafe conditions.

However, there are those with trucks and gas-guzzling SUVs with four-wheel drive that think themselves invincible and tend to not drive the speed limit, but quite a bit faster in bad weather. I wouldn't be as concerned, after all, survival of the fittest and if one is too stupid to think to drive safely, then kissing a snowbank or pavement maybe the way one should be positioned. But when one is driving unsafely in these terrible conditions, or any conditions for that matter, that person is putting other's lives at risk. I've had so many trucks and SUVs and such riding my tail in blizzards and freezing rain, and I even swirved to let one by just so I could keep my tail end in place. Anyone out there reading this, please be considerate and don't be so arrogant as to think that just because you feel you don' t need to take the extra percautions just to be safe doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way.

Religions and Such

2007-12-09T13:35:00.000-05:00

Picture this; two men sitting next to each other, one singing Christmas songs and the other singing songs worshiping Hanukkah. Neither is getting into the other person's face and such, or claiming that the other is politically incorrect. The Atheists sing with the Protestants, the Protestants sing with the Catholics, the Catholics sing with the Jewish, the Jewish sing with the Buddhists, and the Buddhists sing with the Muslims.

In our modern day society, people are so touchy and fight to press their beliefs onto other people. For example, a duo of parents down in Massachusetts made a fuss over a school taking their kids to see the Nutcracker because they felt their kids should not go and see a religious play. Of course, refusing to sign the permission slip was simply not enough. They forced everyone else in that class to go on a field trip to a zoo. Yes, ridiculous, I know. Other examples are banning the Pledge of Allegiance from being said, changing Christmas to Holiday, and even complaining that the words "under God" are even uttered during the Pledge.

First of all, let me say this. Atheists have each and every right not to believe in God, but they do not have the right to try and push God out of the minds of those who do believe. Second, if we can safely wish others a Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Boxing day, whatever, then Christians have every damn right to be wished a Merry Christmas. Third, I never understood why everyone had to try and push their beliefs onto other people. It is because of this very action that there have been wars since the beginning of time. Is it really so important that everyone believe the same thing as someone else that it ruins the lives of others?

No one should be pressured. No one should be bound by the chains of belief. No one should be complaining unless there is someone else out there who is forcing them to shoot their beliefs to the ground.

Talk about freedom; it is my freedom to be able to say the Pledge, it is my freedom to celebrate Christmas instead of mere Holiday, and it is my freedom to say "under God" during the Pledge, just as it is everyone else's right not to do any of the above things. So please don't take away my freedoms of this Country just to better your own.

The Dream like Your Average Horror Flick

2007-12-09T10:04:00.000-05:00

So I had a dream, a dream so weird that I thought that I'd share it with y'all...
I was at a movie with some of my friends, and then for some reason I was at some large hotel with one of my friends and my Grandparents. People were running in terror because there was this really cute guy who turned into some sort of Werewolf type thing. I was like the main character, so I was the one who sort of gave random orders.
So I and a few strangers ran into a girls bathroom and I tried to lock the door, but the lock wouldn't work, so I tried to pin the door closed and I was fighting with this beast to keep him out so I wouldn't get massacred!

When he was distracted by someone else, I ran outside with my grandparents and, there was a random Drivers Ed car, so I yelled at everyone to get in, and we drove to my grandmas house, where I saw my little sister still in bed.

I told everyone to dim the lights so that we wouldn't be seen by the beast, who may have been seeking to decimate us. Then there was a knock on the door, and some man was cheaffeured here in an old 1940's like car. I'm like "Don't open it!" and my Grampa was like "I have to!"
He opened it and told the guy he should have told him later.. what he should have told him I will never know. So then he slams the door and I wake up.

I can't understand what a dream like that could possibly mean, but it was quite funny after that!

Hello God

2007-12-02T18:17:00.000-05:00

Hello God, how are You? Are we good? Well there's a few.
There's good-luck and happiness for the wealthy, the ones who are both fat and healthy
The ones who own those luxury cars, the ones who are able to travel far
The ones that have nothing to fear, around this merry time of year.

But why does it seem that suddenly ; You've turned your back on the poorer team
The ones that go through all the hardships; the ones whose luck constantly tips
What of those sick with a cancer; whos so sick they can barely answer
What of those without a family; who eat what little they have so sadly

Why is it that children cry; across the world where we don't pry
We take care of those who do not need; but ignore those that have mouths but can't feed
God, have You truly forgotten them? Is this a test, or are they soley forsaken?
Please God why can't You take heed, to all of those who are in need?

If I could do it by myself, I would not leave it on a shelf
But we all know that You're divine, and Your powers are beyond what I can define
Beloved, dear Heavenly Father, I know not what causes my mind to wander
I just believe that it is true, that the worst at life should have a Merry Christmas too.

'Tis the Season

2007-12-02T13:43:00.000-05:00

As is everyone else, I too am in the Christmas spirit! I've gotten all my Christmas shopping done and now am filling out what seems like a million Christmas cards. We have all our lights strung up on the house except for one strand we have to pick up in town.

It hasn't snowed yet, but we're supposed to get a Nor'eastern tonight which means I may get the day off from work tomorrow as a result of a snow day for the kids! I need the extra day of sleep.

I'm also excited because in 14 more days I will be 19 years old (not a great accomplishment, but one step closer into adulthood!)

My friend lost her license for twenty days as a result of running through a stop sign, so she's gonna be keeping my passenger seat warm for awhile. It was ironic because about the same time she got pulled over, I got pulled over in another spot! I got a warning though, not as severe as her situation. The cop was pretty cute too!Anyways, I'm sitting here playing around with my MySpace and getting a few laughs off of it. What can I say? I'm a dork! (not in the literal sense though, for that is a whale's penis)

Getting in Gear for Christmas!

2007-11-29T22:20:00.000-05:00

Today was the day that we went to chop down our Christmas tree. We went ontop of this hill where you could chop your own tree for ten bucks. It was fun.

We got it home, decorated it, and I went to some middle school band show with my friends son in it. After that, I went home and attempted to bake, which resulted in a plateful of crumbled cookie pieces. They are for my friend and co-worker, Nancy, who is leaving us on an extremely good note. We will miss her, but I haven't proved that much with my crummy cookies XD.

So now, I 'm listening to Christmas tunes and further attempting to sort out my long and unstable life. I don't have anyone really to go out to coffee with down here or talk to, so I just deal with it the best that I can. Work definately makes it a lot better. I love the kids and what I do.

And my birthday's coming up in a couple weeks and that makes December officially my most expensive month with car registration, inspection, Christmas, ect. I'm sort of excited because on my Birthday some of the MRH/MS staff (me included) are taking a trip to Boston to see Mama Mia. I'm not so sure how I feel about turning 19 though. It's sort of that blah age where you don't upgrade to any new cool privelages or such. I think 20 will be the same way. Anyways, I'm signing off for tonight. Good Night and Good Luck!

Controversial Spanking Topic

2007-11-28T17:26:00.000-05:00

So I'm sitting here watching TV, and for some strange reason it was left on Boston News network instead of NH News network. One of the things talked about was how they were passing a bill around to ban spanking.

Now there are many different kinds of spanking; one can be spanked with a belt, a spoon, a rod, a hand (closed fists and opened fists), and so on. For the bill to be passed and approved, there would be absolutely no spanking of the sort.

I believe that it is not right to spank with objects. An open hand used only to surprise the child and make them aware of further consequences and without the intent to severely hurt should be allowed. Otherwise, it leaves the parent with less and less means of controlling their child. I think that our society is growing softer and softer with children, and it shows in a lot of the children you see in the grocery stores.

It is only right that foreign objects used in the assistance of disciplinary actions should be banned, for then it is used out of anger and with the intent to hurt. But to ban spanking all together is clearly an unwise choice.

Of course, for those of us in New Hampshire, Vermont, Rhode Island, Texas,... wherever, this doesn't affect us. However, once passed in Massachusetts, the idea could spread to many other states within the country. And then, who knows, maybe other parts of the world as well.

In conclusion, just let me say this: Verruca Salt from Willy Wonka ("I want it now, Daddy!) can and shall be the ending result of child-rearing if spanking is banned all together. The people who have thought of this law should sit down and think of some serious guidelines, because next will be taking on a firm tone with a kid in public! I understand that some forms of spanking are harsh, but throw those ones out and keep the more reasonable ones.

Friends (and not the obnoxious tv show either)

2007-11-26T21:03:00.000-05:00

You think that you are alone in this world. Sure you talk to people on a day to day basis, but you never, ever feel like anyone can relate. You feel like no one in this cold, unfriendly world likes you at all and that you may as well not exist at all.

And then you have those very few friends that show you compassion and prove that your very existance on this earth is extremely important and without you, their world would be a little different. Even if they never say this indirectly, you can feel it in the way they smile, the way they write e-mails, the way they cheer you up when all you wanted to do before is wallow in your own misery. People, these are true friends.

I've had a few that have brushed me off when I became of no use to them anymore. I've been decieved by parents, friends, government (like it or not we all have), you name it, it's let me and you down. But instead of making the mistake of griping about all of that as I have, learn to praise and appreciate those true friends that do the little things that prove your worthiness. And remember also, treat everyone you encounter as though it is their very last day on earth.

Give or Take

2007-11-25T21:49:00.000-05:00

Give, give, give, take, take, take;
You try to give, and you’re branded a fake
If you take, you’re nothing more than a thief
In this world it’s either give or take.

You give without wanting anything back
Than you’re still a fool and you’re painted black
You take then you never can take it back
In this world it’s either give or take

Giving love, emotions or feelings
Helping out with a wound that is healing
And taking nothing is still considered stealing
In this world it’s either give or take

Why are people so suspicious,
Paranoid and superstitious?
Questioning and full-blown malicious
In this world it’s either give or take.

So to change the world you gotta live
To do so means you gotta give
Take very little and learn to forgive
So in this world it’s never give or take.

Whew!

2007-11-22T16:45:00.001-05:00

So aside from my Christmas Rant in the last posting, I have nothing more to complain about as of now. But it doesn't mean there is not plenty to talk about still. Thanksgiving was great! My brother came down from college, I cooked the dinner without the slightest scorching of the food, and now I'm just sort of relaxed and mellow. I'm probably going to something productive either today or tomorrow... I haven't decided yet.

We watched the Shining, not a bad movie at all, and then we're watching The Mission in a few minutes. My Father has to work tomorrow. I'm glad I don't!!! I love the students, but I need a break every once in a while!

For everyone who is new or just tagging on, I would like to invite you to read some of the poems I have written below. If you are looking from dA, don't bother, they are the same as on my other account! I will be writing more poems soon, but I've had very little inspiration, and my poetry comes from the heart. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving Woes

2007-11-21T21:36:00.000-05:00

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I am making the dinner!! It's exciting and nervewrecking at the same time! Meanwhile I got my toothpulled Tuesday and I'm on a 48-hour warm and soft foods diet! So I'm debating trying to eat Turkey anyways or eating just the soft stuff like an infant or really old person!!!

Meanwhile, lets discuss something since this is a rant page for me as well. Why stores need to be playing Christmas musice right now! They've been playing it since Halloween which is rediculous!

I'll tell you why. They have this theory where if they get the shoppers into the mood for Christmas early, they'll Christmas shop earlier. Although this tactic may indeed work, it totally takes away from the true spirit of Christmas,...you know, the one that comes in December.

Although this is cliche, I will remind everyone of what Christmas really is. Christmas is about Christ; his first coming to Earth, the birth of Jesus through the Virgin Mary,..you get the idea. It is also about families joining togethor and spending quality time. Yeah, gifts are nice, but it shouldn't be a commercialized spree filled with crowds, headaches, and music at Halloween!

One last thing; Generalizing Christmas. Now, I respect the fact that people have different religions and all, but why make such a big deal out of saying Merry Christmas? I mean, after all, if the stores can play Christmas music, they can say Merry Christmas. If they want to recognize other holidays that is fine, but it really isn't anything to have a heart attack over.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone, and I guess if I were Wal-Mart I'd be saying Merry Christmas now,..or excuse me,.. Happy Holidays!

On God's Time

2007-11-20T21:30:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how long people have to wait for good things to happen to them, and how ironic things can be. I won't go into very deep details, but I will say that for the last eighteen years of my life (practically as long as I have been alive), I had always questioned the reason for my existance on this planet, from being constantly abused by both my parents to watching my mother murder my brother to dealing with her two near-death incidences. I have always blamed myself for everything and my father doesn't help much. This was all weighing on my mind until the other day.

My mother had a severe brain injury while serving her time in prison a few years ago, which still to this day is causing her brain to deteriorate more and more, and which now gives her the mentality of a three year old (we almost lost her last year and it affected my school work a little as well as my emotions). So she sued a pharmecy for some certain meds that we believed caused her stroke and she won a settlement.

You ask where I'm going with this? Let me explain... My mothers settlement money is enough to take care of her for the rest of her life, but she can never again take care of her self for obvious reasons once she gets out of jail. So I agreed to take care of her as her guardian (my mother's mother in a sense) and live with her in a house on some old property we have. That does mean careful monitoring, giving her meds, getting her clean, dressed, getting her to bed, and feeding her. It's gonna be hard during the day, because I still want to work. But I won't have to pay mortgage and very little taxes.

It's no different than when I worked with my handicapped kids over the summer, and I have plenty of experience with caring for people, and until she gets out, I will have the house to myself. I just have to wait 'till we have a house to put on the property. Thank you God for finally answering my prayers!!

Life

2007-11-20T20:39:00.000-05:00

Life is nothing if you feel it is nothing. Life is something if you feel it is something. Life is failure if you feel you're a failure. Life is a success if you feel you're successful.

Life is a rollercoaster, with twists and turns, ups and downs, and loop-de-loops. Life is rabid dog, which eats away at your heart and soul. Life is a leaf in autumn, alienation and death wait at the end of the long fall from the tree.

Life is a long narrow path, where it is easy to stumble off, however if set on getting to the end hard enough, one will find it easier to stay on. Life is an insect that can be pesky, yet helpful. Life is a single blade of grass, where depending on it's location, it may be mowed over or left alone.

Life is stealing the car when your parents say no. Life is learning to let people go. Life is loving with all your heart. Life is around us through the good and bad parts. Life is getting that new pair of shoes. Life is crying, for on them the dog chews.

Life is tolerating those that annoy us. Life is knowing you're the one who’s annoying. Life is putting up with your psychotic parents. Life is being that psychotic parent. Life is about joy, about passion, about love, about honor. Life is about dismay, about sadness, about hatred, about evilness.

Life is about losing those you've loved all your life. Life is about letting go of those bad relationships. Life is about tears, and hurt, and laughter and wonder. Life can be spiteful, and it roars like thunder.

Life is hungry children, crying for food. Life is the helping hand that gives that child bread. Life is an angry man who guns down a city. Life is the juror that eyes him with pity. Life is that poor little sickly animal. Life is the gun that puts it down, so that if may not suffer.

Life is weather, it is children, it is family, it is jobs, it is careers, it is death, it is mourning, it is greed, it is thoughtful. Life is everything we go through together. Life is the very thing we all possess. So let's make the best of what we have, seeing as though we all have to progress.

What Kind of World

2007-11-20T20:33:00.000-05:00

What kind of world can this possibly be? My tears are bitter and sting as they slowly roll their way down. Have I not a heart, feelings, a soul? Why do people treat me as though I lack those things? I am not a mannequin, a doll who you can bend and torture, and it need not matter, for the object has no feelings. I am not a toy that one can play with and then put up on the shelf to gather dust.

What kind of world can this possibly be? People are awkward and ignorant. I wish I knew what they thought, and why. How can it be that to make a man happy is to demolish another man’s ego, spirits, and dreams? A smile can mean happiness, joy, hope; but it can also mean revenge, hatred, and anger. Is it possible that a symbol can mean a million different things?

What kind of world can this possibly be? How can I still be able to walk on Earth as though very much alive, yet I have been torn apart and practically dead? What can love possibly mean to anyone when there is none left in the world? Wouldn’t that deplete the value of love, or yet to make the feeling extinct?What kind of world can this possibly be; where thugs, murderers, and rapists roam the streets like innocent men, licking their lips as they eye their next victim, and nobody ever notices until it’s too late? But what can anyone do? Just like what can anyone do to stop impoverished families, with children, starving, crying, for but a bite to eat and a bit of water. I starve and cry, but not for food. I starve and cry for understanding, hope, and some sort of light at the end of my long, dark tunnel.

And finally, what kind of world can this possibly be? Can this truly be a world where very little support the idea of education for their children, where schools don’t matter, and where luxuries are far more important? Why do we take for granted what we have, when the rest of the world must go without? Ill, kill, die, cry, what a world, what a society. As the restless dogs on the streets fight for a scrap of meat, we watch, entertained. As the restless rodents in the gutters fight for survival, we watch, disgusted. As the restless people around us fight for a scrap of understanding, we watch, and sneer. Is this the world we live in? It is at least the world I live in; a world of malice, destruction, death. If there were a way to make the sun shine, to lighten heavy hearts, to at least offer a helping hand, then what kind of world could this possibly be?

The Harlequinn

2007-11-20T20:28:00.000-05:00

Listen to me, all you men, women, and children. May I have your attention please? I understand that all the colors I bear make me look infectiously diseased.

But I stand as a mighty, mighty figure. A person so willful and strong.So please gather ‘round, so I may speak. I cannot stay around for long.

I must make myself truly known, for what I bear is not but disguise.For there is a much deeper meaning inside, I’m sure this will come as surprise.

My painted up face hides a withering man, a man with no future or past.A man who is beginning to decay and fester, a man who is tumbling fast.

I, the Harlequin, have no soul; my soul has been sold for laughter.I have absolutely no concept of time, I know no before and after.

I am broken into many small pieces, a jigsaw with many missing parts.A box that has been used and reused often, with the final image torn apart.

Please laugh, please stare, this is all I have left, for I know no other means. I depend on the malice of human hearts, for my heart has been wiped clear and clean.

I, the Harlequin, am strong and proud, but yet so weak and broken. However, my painted on smile may be real once my true inner self has awoken.

When I Needed You Most

2007-11-20T20:23:00.000-05:00

I needed you when I was sad and lonely; to pat my shoulder to tell me I shouldn’t be.
I needed you when I was waking up in the morning. For it was you all along that I have been yearning.
I needed you when I went to bed at night, without you I’m afraid that I am a fright
I needed you when I was sitting at school; I needed you when others thought me a fool
I needed you when I was driving in my car; I needed to know you would help me go far.
I needed you when I fell off of my bike; I needed you when I got a flat from that spike
I needed you when my salty tears flooded the ground; I needed you when nobody else was around
I needed you when it was my birthday; I needed you yesterday, tomorrow, today
I needed you in my dreams, at the park, in my house. You are in every little child I see, playing, innocent as a mouse.
I feel that I don’t need these memories of you. These memories I hold that are so strong and true.
I constantly feel I have needed you so, I hope you can hear me, I need you to know.